I have been a gamer of one description or another pretty much since I was 11. I played board games with my school friends. I played Chess against my Dad so I could make that about age 8. Hell, if playing cards counts for anything I’ve been a gamer since before I went to Kindergarten. My parents were called to the school for questioning when I said I could count in Kindergarten and told the teacher “Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, Jack, Queen, King”. I could certainly count properly then so I was probably shit-stirring even then. I dunno, I don’t remember it but my Mum used to love telling people that one.

But the point is that as a gamer you know you cannot win every time. Sometimes the dice go against you. Sometimes you are playing someone who is far better than you. Sometimes you just cock it up and cannot recover in time. But eventually you become gracious in defeat – or so I am told. I certainly can be a bad loser, especially when I am playing against a computer player, known as an AI. But I reckon I can recognise when I have been comprehensively outplayed, and some of my very favorite stories to tell about gaming are some of my most astonishing defeats. I do congratulate people when they beat me, though I may well sit there shaking my head at how they have managed to do it. Or how I could so colossally stuff up too. But they key thing is you know victory is never certain. And I think it is a healthy attitude to take. You go in balls and all, you give everything you have, and if it ain’t enough at least take pride in the fact that you did everything you could. That has been my attitude in my games and my sport. I’m nowhere near the greatest sportsman about, but I have never given less than 100% every single time I compete. And I’m like that in my work as well. Nothing half-arsed. I’m there to do the job and I do it damn well. Because I hate doing it a second time to fix it. So I get it right the first time.

So today I got seriously pissed off at what may be a misunderstanding or a change in plan or whatever. I’m still somewhat undecided and being the cynical arsehole that I am, for once, I honestly do not know what to think. But without going into a load of boring detail I consider that today, despite my best efforts, I lost. And as a gamer of substantial experience I can suck it up and live with it. It’s a handy talent. BUT. That doesn’t mean I like it. There is that little voice at the back of my head wishing someone would remove the “kick me” sign that I just cannot reach and cannot see no matter how many mirrors I use. I have been royally rogered in the past with opportunities sailing by me due to cronyism, incompetents above me and being in exactly the wrong place at the wrong time. I have been beaten by liars, cheats and fools in games, sports and in life. Talis est vita.

Today I may not have won but as Bono, who I admired once a long time ago though he seems to me to be a right tosser now, once sang “they could not take your pride”. I omitted the “they took your life” bit. Hoping that ain’t relevant for a long while yet. I have far too many games still to play. And win. Of course.